We’re all struggling with anxiety at work — we were long before the pandemic started and are even more so now as we emerge from one of the most transformative times in our lives. Anxiety is ultimately about not having control; at work, it can feel like a loss of control over a specific deliverable or project.

If you look more closely, though, I’d argue that what’s really causing anxiety is a loss of control over the people you are dependent on to get your work done: clients, business partners, your boss, the C-suite, vendors, and teammates. Anxiety at work often can be boiled down to anxiety about relationships.

A wise man once told me, “A really good way to get ahead in the world is to reduce your client’s or boss’s anxiety.” When I was a client of my good friend David Burk, I was on the receiving end of that philosophy. David’s team removed obstacles in our path to success and made sure I constantly felt heard, lessening my anxiety. Not only did my reduced anxiety help me to feel that everything was going to be okay, but also I could tangibly see that the work was moving my strategic goals forward. It was a win-win for everyone involved.

So how can we work to reduce workplace anxiety while strengthening those all-important collegial relationships? Try these four steps:

01:

Say It Out Loud

First, acknowledge what’s going on. So often, we get coded (and even overt) messages that it’s not okay to be real about the emotions we feel at work. How many times have we been told: “Don’t be emotional,” “Don’t take it personally,” or the most insidious, “Show executive presence”? But newsflash: We’re humans who feel emotions all the time. You liberate everyone by sharing how you feel out loud: “I’m feeling anxious that this isn’t moving forward because…”

We all naturally want to help each other. Being courageous and vulnerable can instill trust that brings people together to problem-solve.

02:

Bring It to the Team

Put the issues out on the table with the working team. The best mentor I ever had, Karen Becker, counseled me when I was anxious about a project at risk because of a breakdown in collaboration. She told me, “You don’t personally own the conflict, the company owns the conflict — bring it to the team.” Bringing up problems with the team can seem confrontational, but it’s actually the avoidance of conflict that can heighten anxiety.

So start a conversation to help mitigate that anxiety — and remember that you don’t have to confront to converse. Reframing how we bring issues to the team (away from conflict and toward conversation) gives us a way to detach emotionally, reducing our own anxiety and that of our teammates so we can show up as our best selves and mobilize to problem-solve together. Naming problems and empowering teams to solve them can reduce everyone’s anxiety by granting collective control over the root problem.

03:

Open Up Regular Communication

Give feedback regularly — especially up the chain when it feels like the biggest risk. Share what the challenges are, how they are impacting the team or company goals, your proposed solutions or insights (to show you’re thinking critically), and where you need help from your higher-up. They are part of the team too — you can get support from them rather than anxiously pretending everything is under control. Bringing them into the problem also will help reduce your boss’s anxiety. Everyone likes to feel empowered and be of help, and solving problems earlier is a plus for the entire team, your boss included.

Opening up regular feedback loops creates a habit for everyone. These one-on-one conversations become an additional tool for the team to help diffuse things in the moment (and therefore before they become issues). And in the “easier said than done” category, don’t make any assumptions — over-communication is key. It’s natural to fill the gaps in knowledge with suspicion, but we all have our own pressures and assumptions, so close that gap with communication and understanding.

04:

Work on Your Own Anxiety

Ironically, if you don’t expect other people to reduce your anxiety and you take control of reducing your own, everyone wins. Owning your anxiety issues is, in a way, bringing a problem to the team — only this time, the team is you and your self-awareness. Anxiety is contagious, so if you can work to mitigate your own, you’ll be benefiting your team (not to mention yourself!). Need some tips for doing so? Check out the Anxiety & Depression Association of America’s suggestions.

We can be happier and more successful at work by reducing anxiety — both our own and that of others. If you make your work about doing that, you’ll have plenty to do and feel good about it at the end of the day.