Some “helpful” phrases have become pervasive throughout modern work culture that actually aren’t productive or clear ways of communicating. In everyday life, these phrases are seemingly harmless, but coming from a leader in a workplace setting, they can have an undercurrent of unpleasantness and lack clarity and specificity. And even worse, they can erode trust; the people on the receiving end don’t really feel any relief, help, or understanding as a result of them.
It takes courage to speak with honesty and integrity — and the following phrases are at best, unclear, and at worst, careless and neglectful of the finer points of leadership.
UNHELPFUL:
“I’m confused”
This often can come across as a dig — and can sound to the recipient like you’re saying, “You’re stupid” or “That’s not what I want to do.” It also puts the burden on them to figure out the issue and implies you’re not willing to make the effort to clear it up together.
Own it:
- “That’s different from my understanding. I thought the following. I’ll schedule some time for us to clear this up.”
- “I don’t understand ______ — can you share how you reached that conclusion?”
Take the conversation offline so any issues aren’t on display for the rest of the team. Often that conversation will lead to better understanding and even better ideas, building (and deepening) trust.
UNHELPFUL:
“Help me understand”
The cousin of “I’m confused,” it’s often a code for “I disagree” or “I don’t like your idea (and I want to torture you by making you justify it).”
Own it:
- “Can you explain this to me?”
- “I liked ______ but I didn’t understand ______.”
Instead of making them help you understand, step in and help yourself and your team by participating in the clarification.
UNHELPFUL:
“Thoughts?”
Ending an email with “thoughts?” feels lazy — it transfers the mental load to the recipient (and sets them up for failure if their thinking doesn’t align with your own).
Own it:
- “I think ______. I’d like to know what you think, too.”
Don’t just dump a problem on your team. Lean in, share your thinking, and work together to figure out a solution.
UNHELPFUL:
“I want to be mindful of…”
In this case, the “I” really means “you” — and people can tell. It’s the indirect way of saying, “Please don’t do this, or you will create a problem.”
Own it:
- “We are short on time, so let’s not do something that will make the project take longer.”
- “There are some sensitivities in the organization that we need to be aware of to ensure we don’t cause friction.”
- “Please don’t…”
Be straight up! Tell your team what they need to know in a direct, honest way.
UNHELPFUL:
“No problem” and “no worries”
Was my request actually a problem?! Did you think I was worried?
While these pervasive phrases can seem innocuous, they can be used as a crutch in situations where you don’t agree or are feeling put out.
Own it:
If you really mean it’s fine, then say something else:
- “Great — I’ll move forward with that.”
- “I’ll be happy to take care of that for you.”
If you feel something is an issue, well, then say that!
Leaders build trust, help everyone be clear about what they are doing and why, own their mistakes, and admit what they don’t know. And being a leader means speaking with clarity, honesty, and the courage not to hide behind these phrases that mask meaning. So next time you’re tempted to use one as a crutch, try telling it straight up instead. You (and your colleagues) will be glad you did.
